12 Feb I Wish I Had Known that time does not heal all wounds
This February for Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month, we launched the I Wish I Had Known awareness and prevention campaign. We invited adults to reflect on what they wish they had learned about relationships when they were younger and how that knowledge might have altered their lives.
Dan’s photographs and artist statement shine a light on a truth that is too often overlooked: boys and men also experience dating violence. One in ten men report experiencing sexual or physical violence or stalking in a dating relationship, yet many remain silent due to stigma and harmful stereotypes. Dan’s reflection also underscores the critical role therapy can play in healing and recovery.
Take Back the Halls provides universal prevention programming for all students, regardless of gender identity or sexual orientation, because we know that anyone can experience dating violence or cause harm in a relationship. We also offer free onsite counseling for youth who have experienced dating violence. By embedding these services directly in schools, we remove barriers that often prevent teens from seeking help. This approach ensures that survivors are seen, heard, and supported in the place where they spend most of their daily lives, while building pathways toward long-term safety, resilience, and hope.
I wish I Had Known that times does not heal all wounds
Submitted by Dan
I Wish I Had Known so many things. I wish I had known the stronger partner can be the victim of physical abuse. I wish I had known common decency can be used against you. I wish I had known that some people can tell lies and continue living without showing any sign of remorse. Most importantly, I wish I had known time does not heal all wounds and therapy is a necessary tool to fully process a toxic relationship.
Twelve years ago I ended an abusive relationship with a woman whom I learned was mentally ill and a pathological liar. I had never before witnessed anyone exhibit such erratic behavior. Her moods and temper were hard to predict and at times violent and impossible to help manage. Oftentimes, during these episodes, I would become the target of her fury and she would attack me. Although I was bigger and much stronger than she, I had to constantly be ready to protect myself. I lost the ability to relax and to enjoy the simple moments that I used to find each day. This relationship became a constant source of anxiety and grew to be overwhelming. It was all I could do to maintain myself and the career I was building as a photographer. After seven years, I finally saw the reality of the situation and knew that I had to get out.
Now that I have moved on with my life and I am in a healthy and very supportive relationship, I have the perspective to realize how damaging that time was for my mental health. Thinking back on that experience, I truly thought that all I needed was some time to heal and let my mind reset naturally. As a photographer, I thought that I could actually use the memories as creative energy to produce new artwork. I made a lot of creative projects during that time and showed my work quite often. Being completely consumed with art was enough for a couple of years but I began to realize that I was avoiding new relationships and meeting people and I was missing an important part of life. I met my partner just over three years ago and she has helped me remember how to be comfortable in a relationship and how to share the joys and struggles of life together. Her patience and support has inspired me to go through therapy and really sort out that turbulent time. For the last 14 months, I met with a therapist each week and began the process of really learning how to heal. I didn’t need time. I needed help.
When I saw this call for submissions, I wanted to share my story through my favorite form of creative expression – photography. The two photographs I am submitting represent the process of healing from a toxic relationship. They are both landscape photographs of the same view. The first image was taken through a window. I photographed the different layers that I had to look through in order to see the landscape. I then blended each layer together and the resulting picture is hazy and challenging to understand what you are seeing. I used these layers as a metaphor for how I was covering up the pain of that experience without fully processing it and I didn’t even know I was causing further harm to myself.
The second image presents a clear view of the desired feature that was clouded and obscured in the first picture. Now that I have been through therapy and I have fully processed that abuse, I don’t live with it on my mind anymore. I can now appreciate the colors in the sunset. I can clearly see the seagulls flying and I can even hear them when I look at this image. I feel strong again and I have learned how to enjoy the peace and joy of the simple moments available each day. I just needed to look with a clear view.
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